The Effects of Grief
The Effects of Grief, Written to the Griever and Those Who Know and Love Them
If you have never lost someone, or visited a grief site / group and heard the heartache, or read the stream on one of their pages, you have no idea of the heartache of grief. It's not something you can feel just by hearing about it. You can feel sad for someone, but the pain, the gut wrenching, heartache, is not something that is visible. Mourning people don't walk around crying constantly, they are just hurting inside. They are walking around in a dark cloud that is permeating their life. Everything they once enjoyed has lost it's meaning. They have learned in an instance that nothing matters, nothing can replace their loved one. Material things lose their value. When something good happens in their life, they don't have that special someone to share their joy with, so it quickly loses some of its splendor. People around someone grieving expect to see them back to themselves in a week, a month at the most. Most people are in a painful state of grief for about two years. Two years of more intense grieving has been the average that I have seen in my many years of grief group facilitating. After two years, the heartache is still there but is much more bearable. The memory of their loved one stays with them but reflecting does not cause the pit in their stomach it once did. I write this for someone who is grieving to share with their family or friends. I am hoping it will be a way to help people understand and be better able to communicate. To the griever, I know sometimes you want to be angry with those around you who make mindless, unthinkable remarks. Please remember they are ignorant to what grief feels like. How would they know if they haven't experienced it themselves? Try to think back in the past to what you thought when confronted with a friend or family member who lost someone. I know it's hard, but it will help you to have peace in your heart if you can let the innocent, ignorant remarks roll off your heart. Their intentions are usually genuine, they just don't know what to say.